Knee Ennui

Nine days living the lazy life. The knee has gone from really bad to bloody awful during this time. And since I don't have time to find an orthopedist, never mind actually make it to a doctor's appointment I've still no idea what's happened to the damn thing. One minute I'm walking relatively unhindered, the next, there's shooting pains and I'm hobbling along in agony. I did notice today that it's a little swollen. Which scares me.

I'm slightly disappointed that I'm not devastated about all this. Over the past couple years, I just don't get upset about things the way I used to. Don't I love running? Aren't I meant to be a runner? Then why aren't I crushed at being crippled, just as I was growing fitter, and marathon training was beginning?

Five minutes spent playing with my daughter, and nothing else seems important. This must be that 'perspective' thing everyone has been telling me to find all my life.

Subway Folly

You know the saying 'things could always be worse'? And you know how things frequently do get much worse, awfully fast, and you wish you could go back to the way you were just a moment before when you were complaining about something seemingly trivial?

I was descending stairs in the subway after work carrying something a bit heavy and awkward, trying to be careful with my left knee. As anyone with this condition knows - coming down steps aggravates it most. I find it hilarious that anything I've read about recovering from this instructs me to avoid walking down inclines or stairs. Erm, try living and commuting in NYC and avoiding stairs. Come on, be realistic people!

I clearly wasn't careful enough, as sharp pains shot through my knee, and now I can hardly walk...never mind run. I can't bear weight on my left leg consistently at any rate. This sucks! I don't even know how I'm going to get to work tomorrow. I swear I can't deal with pt again. It's so time consuming and tediously dull.

Hey well, at least this was in my email inbox today. That really cheered me up.

I Hate Running

...or, more accurately I suppose - I hate the human body. WHY are we so weak?

I am injured yet again. This time the shooting pain radiates from under my knee cap, so I'm suspecting Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome or, as it is more commonly known, Runner's Knee. I am self diagnosing this as an acute injury triggered by my recent race. As I thumped down one of the steep inclines last Sunday, a tiny voice in the back of my head warned "this is going to come back to bite you in the ass/knees Yvonne." And sure enough, a week later it did. I ran a couple times slowly during the week, then ran a really strong 8-miler around Roosevelt Island on Sunday, and wham - I'm sidelined again.

It's so tedious and boring to be constantly injured, and to be constantly talking about and reading about injuries. Why can't we all just get on and run? Isn't the human body designed for running, for gadsake? Ok...don't answer that one. It's not like I'm running 100mpw at a 6mm pace. I just want to log my 30 miles and enjoy them. Damnit.

I wear Brooks which help correct my heavy over-pronation, and I also wear OTC orthotics. I think it's finally time to set aside my cheapskate tendencies and invest in a custom pair.

And in the meantime, it's back to boring old exercises on the yoga mat every evening. YAWN.

Milestones

Kyla is 9 months old, and this blog is 2 years old today. Hurrah! Both have come a long, long way since their in(con)ception. I'll admit though, that Kyla might be the more impressive.

I have a strong feeling that our little girl will be an early walker. She crawls at the speed of sound, and already stands/walks supported quite well. Just the other day she stood entirely unsupported for two or three seconds, wobbling precariously before crashing down on her bum. I know the fact she's so physical this early is just a fluke, and that her cruising around getting into trouble is nothing to celebrate, but I'm secretly proud of my tiny little athlete.

The 2-year milestone for my blog prompted me to re-read archives from then. I was simultaneously depressed and impressed at how hard I trained for Chicago back in '05. I was really bloody dedicated. Sure, 40 or 50 miles a week is nothing compared to some of you crazies out there, but right now for me, that seems immense. Of course, back then, all I had to worry about in the mornings and evenings was myself. I find it funny to think of how much easier it must have been to train with nothing else but my job on my plate.

The diet is coming along well. The needle on the scales finally shifted back a notch, and I'm left with exactly one stone (14 pounds for you Americans) to lose to return to my pre-pregnancy weight. For some reason the roundness of that figure (pardon the puns) is inspiring.

Question is: how many miles do I have to run to lose that stone?

Not as unfit as I thought, perhaps.

This morning's event was fantastic. Complete hell, sure, but fantastic. It remains absolutely my #1 favourite race of all time.

Apparently it was only in the high 70s with 66% humidity, but it felt much, much worse than that. And consusus suggests that the course is now more difficult than it's ever been. OMG - the hills! They are UNrelenting. I must have told a half dozen race marshalls as I panted by, "you're killing me!" At one point, in the final mile, when I thought the worst was behind me, we took a sharp right and were faced with - yet another steep hill at least 0.2 miles long. I let out a string of expletives I couldn't possibly repeat here.

But you know what? Other than slowing down to a near crawl on some of those final climbs, I felt fairly strong. I passed at least 20 people on the way to come in 5th in my age group, 12th woman, 60/153 overall, 8:46 pace. Not bad for a fat new mum over an insane course, methinks. At least, I'm quite pleased with myself.

Janine did Hellgate proud with a 3rd woman overall finish. And Martha outdid everyone, by running the last 4 miles with (what I believe to be) a broken finger, a cut-up knee and a swollen ankle from a tumble taken in the 2nd mile. Damn, that’s hard core!

I was happy to see the woman I beat to 1st place in ’05, who did NOT look happy about it, (and apparently was also beat to 2nd place last year,) finally pick up the winner's trophy this year. That’s got to feel good.

So, at last I rejoin the world of racing. Prior to this morning, my most recent race was 16 months ago, when I was 3 months pregnant. It's been such a long time, I could barely remember how to attach the chip to my shoe. I may have caught the bug again. I used to enjoy my weekend morning races and everything that comes with them more than anything. Now it's time to pick out my next goal before the big one!

Snapped

My new-found strength and optimism of a couple weeks' ago was short lived. I did indeed jinx myself, having felt nothing but bloody awful on every run since. I swear, I cannot deal at all with humidity when I'm running. I can't begin to describe what a wimp I am in these conditions. I decided that 80F+ temperature alone is not a show-stopper for me, but this humidity we've been suffering in NYC lately...it's killing me.

I got quite upset up at the park attempting hill reps with the club Monday. As I dragged myself up and around the loop (40 seconds slower than in a previous life), I just snapped. I feel like I have been very patient with myself and my body over the past 8 months, but suddenly it felt like I've gotten nowhere. The Hellgaters there were extremely supportive (you know who you are - thank you guys), and gave me plenty of sage reassurance and advice. I didn't realize how long the road back to fitness would be, and I just have to readjust my expectations. I've also got to STOP comparing my performance now to my performances of the past (as I did on the hill). It's not doing me one bit of good. As one running mum wisely said "your mind remembers what you're capable of, a long time before your body catches up."

I admit that all this has had me considering giving up completely on a summer of marathon training, but I know I won't. I struggled badly with (& never grew acclimatized to) conditions back in summer 2005, and survived to run a good race on a cool October day in Chicago. I can only strive to have history repeat itself.

I also snapped in a different, but related area of life last week. I've absolutely had it with this extra weight I'm lugging around. And I'm (almost literally) sick of my bad eating habits. So I put myself on a fairly strict diet (by my standards). One silver lining to the stifling heat and humidity is a reduction in appetite anyway so I'm picking a good time to start. More for my benefit than yours, the 'rules' of this diet are:

1) No (unhealthy) snacking at the office
2) No bagels
3) Cookies/deserts etc. just once per week
4) No alcohol Monday through Thursday
5) Try to limit carb-heavy meals to one-per-day
6) Drink more water, eat more fruit

It's been 3 days so far - let's see how long this can last!

I'm filled with an exhilarating hybrid of excitement and trepidation for tomorrow's Riverdale Ramble 10k. I haven't checked out the weather forecast, but I'm resigned to 6.2 miles of 85F/90% humidity, windy, hilly hell. Still, it's a fun kind of hell, and I'm really looking forward to it :-)